at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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