I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
