This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
