I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
