he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
