Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
