Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
