would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
