Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
