I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
