he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
