hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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