im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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