cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She bit a glass in half.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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