i need an iv and a liver transplant
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
