how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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