I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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