I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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