I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
