how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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