She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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