you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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