You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
