Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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