Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
