i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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