the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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