She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
