Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
