I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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