My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found your dick twin last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
