Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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