She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
