i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I did not marry a roomba.
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