I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
