She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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