ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
