I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
