I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
