i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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