I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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