her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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