Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So squirting runs in the family.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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