i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
