my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
