Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
