Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
