After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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