is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
