I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
